I have a problem.
Some that may not know me, or do not know me very well, may not call it that. Others, those closest to me, would hesitantly admit that at times I overdo things. You see, there is a fine line in between “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10) like we are commanded to do, and trying to be everything for everyone.
I am a fixer. I like to fix anything and everything. I tend to specialize in people, whether or not they request the help/fixing. This desire to fix and to help and to take the reigns comes from a genuine passion for people. However, this passion is often misinterpreted, misconstrued, and misrepresented by both others and (mainly) myself. So easily do I offer up of myself to do things for people, and don’t hear me wrong I am not bragging about this. There comes a point where, although unconscious, my desire to help turns into a desire to control. My pride rears its ugly head and slowly creeps in to take hold of my once innocent desire to provide guidance and aid to others.
Organization and planning are my middle names (hyphenated, Sarah Organization-Planning Cagle.) Due to my proclivity for these things, I often feel as though I need to do everything because 1). there is always someone in need of help, and because 2). I’m the only one in the whole wide world who can help. I place myself in a position where I begin to think that I am so desperately and greatly needed. In reality, that couldn’t be more gross exaggeration. In order to combat this, I must humble myself and place myself in a position of realization that I, first and foremost, am in even greater need.
It is in this neglect to realize my great need that I feel the need to try to fill whatever need anyone and everyone else may have. By not taking the time to sit in the Lord’s presence, to truly pray and meditate on the fact that I am not, yet He is, I become my own worst enemy. Many tears have been shed from times I have given it my all, loved too hard, and controlled too much without stopping to realize in Whom my strength lies.
My encouragement to you amidst this ramble of a journal entry turned blog post is this: I don’t have it all together. You don’t have it all together. You don’t have to be everything for everyone because there is one much higher than we are that is merciful and just and selfless in all things that has died so that we might live. He has died so that we might live joyfully, free of the need to be everything and do everything.
You are so, so loved. Love hard, with right intention, from a pure heart.
xxx-Sarah (the true one in need of Fixer Upping)